It is our 16th monthsary but I feel like writing this stuffs...
I wanted to be like you... to lie without a trace of remorse or guilt on the face as if I am telling the truth.
I wanted to be like you that there is someone who will believe me even he/she knows that I am lying.
I wanted to be like you that there is someone who trust me and tell me the truth and makes me feel that you are deserving with the truth as what I did to you.
I wanted to be like you.To get busy that you don't think of me sometimes. I wanted to treat you the way you treat me in your heart as what I am a "just" for you in your heart.
I wanted to be like you that there is someone who is badly love to see me everyday just to be with me and be happy kissing and hugging me as he love me so much.
I wanted to be like you that you are busy with your stuffs. To get busy and divert all my thoughts and focus not only of you and spend a lot of time with my friends instead to create happy moments together as we were in a relationship to marriage life.
And when the time will come that I get so busy, busy enough to think of you and perhaps even my feelings for you as what I have observe from you to me... I really wanted to become like you and be break even...
"If you want that flower get it and take care of it but do not pick it up if you will just ruin it."
In this phrase if I am the flower? will I have the choice and chance to say "don't pick me up" where in fact I am just a vulnerable one, a dynamic creature that changes, grows, and needs attention to be nurtured. Who just wanted to be loved with truth , honesty, commitment, equality and respect.
The flower if it is poured with lies it will just eaten away at the relationship from the inside out by implanting seeds of distrust and uncertainty of the person who was lied to.
It is hard to be committed to someone who has shown you that you are not worthy of the truth.